i had a dream where i went to a friends house. As i pulled into his driveway the first thing i noticed was that his house was surrounded by a tall wooden fence, high enough that you couldn’t hardly see anything of even the roof except the peak. i went to the gate, which had a buzzer and intercom, pressed the buzzer and told him i was there. In a moment, the gate unlocked. When i stepped through the gate, inside was another gate with a buzzer and intercom. There were many gates in a short space before i got to the front door. When he finally opened the front door he glanced around outside as if he was checking to see if anyone else was watching and let me inside. In the dream, from the front and back windows i could see his yard was a series of fences and gates. i thought why, oh why is there so much fencing, and fencing inside the fencing, mostly hiding nothing? When i asked him why all the extreme fencing, he said it was nobody’s business what was inside. i thought to myself, “But there’s nothing to hide but hiding itself.” As i woke up the Lord gave me a revelation. i realized his ardent fencing was built out of fear, fear that if anyone saw inside his yard they might use it against him, fear of shame, fear someone might “know” something. i thought to myself that truthfully speaking, there was nothing to know, and fear was driving all his constant guarding.

You know, i’ve discovered the hard way that we can be a friend to someone, even if they don’t let you in the gate, but it’s pretty impossible to have a relationship with them. As they sit inside their highly guarded, nearly insurmountable fence or wall, yes, we can talk to them through the boundary, pass notes back and forth, and even toss food and water to them over the top, but in the end, it is very, very limited, and totally controls any real connection, if any connection. We need to connect, meaning we must let God tear down the walls and fences of our own construction. i did NOT say boundaries were NOT good, because they are, they are God’s invention and even God has boundaries, obviously. But our constant walling out of the Lord and the very people we need in order to prosper in our efforts to secure life, and have it more abundantly, is driven by woundedness, and fears of all sorts. All the while, we sit in sustained, abject loneliness while feeling falsely secure behind our fencing, secretly wishing we could be free. We need to connect. Some are so dedicated to their fences, the term “immurement” comes to mind. Immurement literally means “walling in”, and is a form of imprisonment, in which a person is placed within an enclosed space with no exits, and if it’s allowed to persist, the prisoner will simply die from starvation or dehydration. It can be spiritual as well as physical.

Going to church is good, but is it really, truly, enough of a connection? When scripture says, Forsake not the gathering together of yourselves in Heb10:25, it doesn’t mean merely “go to church”, as we’ve been taught… it means to connect, and i mean for more than just 10mins before and after. The Lord didn’t make a law out of going to church in that scripture, we did. We’re the ones who made a law out of it all, yet we don’t make room for the real connections we need …and connecting takes time and maybe even courage. God is telling us to get ourselves to a group of like-minded people where we can freely express ourselves, be open and disclosing, and connect. Maintaining a complex fencing system denies us the connections we so desperately need, and i don’t care how tough you think you are, you can’t successfully do life unto the Lord, hidden behind your fences.

And what if we’ve been hurt by someone’s callous religiousness? Let me say that it’s bound to happen. Some people feel it’s their job to make sure others are compliant with the rules, and boy, do they love to tell people about all their rule breaking. In light of that, here comes the idea of “moral superiority” which inspires others to put up more fencing. “They’ve” been to church every time the doors are open and they really feel the need to ask, “i’ve been noticing you’ve not been here much. Why haven’t you been here?” “i’ve noticed you drink a beer occasionally, don’t you know it’s a s-i-n to drink?” “i’ve noticed you have some worldly music in your car. Where is God in your life?” “i’ve noticed you don’t bring your Bible sometimes. i thought you were a Christian.”

Regardless of those who feel obligated to make sure others are “fixed and complying” with some unspoken rules, we can look past them and address what’s going on with ourselves. We need to connect. Ever hear of stonewalling? It is a persistent refusal to communicate or to express emotions. It is common during conflicts, or when people attempt to avoid uncomfortable conversations out of fear that engaging will result in a fight, or someone will know something and use it against them. When we allow our fences to not only keep other scary people out, they also serve to keep us in. Every fence has two sides you know. Come out of your fenced in area you’ve built. God is calling you to connect. You think you’re gifted? You probably are, but, my friend, you can’t give away what you’ve got unless you are there to give it away. i’ll say it again, we can be a friend to someone, even if they don’t let you across the fence, but it is pretty impossible to have a relationship with them.

What do you think?