This evening is another beautiful evening on the banks of the beautiful Ockluhwahhah River, which flows south from here until it joins the French Broad many miles from the end of Old Field Road. For the sake of trivia, i thought this was interesting: The name, Ockluhwahhah River, is a corruption of ak-low-wah-‘hey, Creek Indian for “muddy creek”. And yes, it’s a real creek.

I’m Social Porter and this is Outposts, a semi-live broadcast of cool jazz and contemplative conversation. Peace is available from God for all who would ask Him, even those who are awake in the late night hours, some sitting in their big armchairs pondering the events of the week, looking for a little closure on some of life’s open-ended items, others tossing and turning, trying to sleep, looking for rest in a world which offers very little closure or peace.

i was at the jail doing Thursday church a few weeks ago with a friend and he was explaining to the inmates about the extraordinary events which brought him out of his criminal thinking nose dive. It occurred to me that the things which brought my friend to an awakening relationship with God were events spread across many years, it wasn’t simply an overnight thing. While listening to his testimony, a question came to me, “After you believed, in between the times of refreshing from the Lord, what did you do with yourself? While you were waiting, what did you do with your time?” When there was a lull in the room from all the talking, i asked that very question which the Lord had put to me. The room of chatter came to a sudden standstill. i suppose we don’t think about the in-between times much. i realized people, typically, are really bad at waiting. We often speak of events in our lives, but rarely discuss what we do in between those events. If we were to plot a graph showing noteworthy occurrences in our lives, i believe we’d see a lot of flat line, way more flat line than upward blips where relatable events occurred.

The word “wait” is used approximately 148 times in the Bible, so i’m going to assume it’s an important thing to do from God’s perspective, but, considering how much waiting we have to do in life, you would think we would be much better at it than we are. If you need a visual, the Hebrew word comes with the idea of “swirling in a circular pattern”, sort of like the picture of an airplane circling the airport waiting to land. Yes, waiting to land. The word waiting is occasionally used in conjunction with hope, but is more often a certain amount of laborious effort and agonizing patience is buried in the belly of the word for “wait”. It seems life is all about biding time most of the time … just waiting … so we wait, knowing patience is seldom easy, it is always rewarding, it’s a reward i gladly receive but i am tested to my last nerve in the tedium of waiting. i don’t think anyone ever said , “Wow! i’m really looking forward to waiting,” although i’m always glad at the results of my waiting saying, “Gosh, i’m so glad i waited,” but it was all still very unpleasant … all that waiting.

Life often just goes on around me and i simply don’t participate. i’ve wondered why is that? Even though i’m present, inside i feel like i’m going through all the motions of being present, but the truth is, i’ve realized i’m actually waiting but for what? Some days, in the middle of all my waiting, it feels like i’ve been holding my breath for months or even years in some sort of anticipation. That’s a pretty good picture of what it means to “wait”. Sometimes it’s breathlessly waiting, other times i’m nervous for some reason as if something amazing is about to happen, i have no idea what, but here i sit, waiting. Always waiting. i’d bet we can all relate to that.

What do you do with your time while you wait? How do you occupy your time when you are in a holding pattern? It seems life is all about biding our time. For many, they’ve been waiting, but they’ve been waiting so long i think they may have lost sight of what they’re waiting for and now they are lost in the holding pattern of waiting, the circling agony of prolonged waiting, having lost the vision of why. Those who wait without a “why” look, to me, like lines of pointless, lifeless carcasses, living in greyscale, and don’t know why they wait. Waiting without having a “why” and there’s no vision for an end point just seems like dying to me. What are we waiting for?

Acts 1:13-14, “And they had entered the city, they went up the stairs to the upper room where they were staying. Peter and John and James and Andrew; Philip and Thomas, Bartholomew and Matthew; James son of Alphaeus and Simon the Zealot, and Judas the son of James. All of these with their minds in full agreement devoted themselves steadfastly to prayer, waiting together with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and with His brothers.”

According to “The Vocabulary of the Greek Testament”, there is the implication of “indefinitely” in the sentence where it says, “…where they were staying”. The disciples went into the Upper Room with a mind-set that said, “We are not coming out of here until God shows up.”  They did not go in there to wait ten minutes. They didn’t go in there to wait two days. They did not go in there to wait three months. Their objective was to connect with the Lord, waiting as long as it took in order to accomplish that goal. They weren’t pointlessly biding their time, oh no, they had an objective, they had a “why”, they had a reason to wait. They weren’t looking for an experience or to have an “event”, nor did they sell tickets as if they anticipated some spectacle.  No. They went in there saying, “We cannot do all that God wants us to do without His full power in our lives.”  Like those who entered the Upper Room to wait for the promised outpouring of the Holy Spirit, we should approach God with a similar attitude that says, “I’m waiting on You, Lord, indefinitely, until I receive your authorization to continue and your power to go forward in your name” and then with all purpose, long-suffering, and determination, we wait on God.

Waiting for God, or anything else for that matter isn’t easy. i have difficulty waiting for a sandwich at a fast food place, much less having to wait on the move of God. Hey, it’s not easy. We have so much energy and such heated passion for the Lord and His cause, or even our own ideas, that if waiting is ever gotten around to, there’s a pause, only for short periods, before we’re off and running, the energy of all that thinking and wanting just takes over again.  Round and round and round.

        Often, if God does not do something as quickly as we want, then our own bright ideas overtake us again and we’re right back in our own momentum.  It is unbelievable how often the same ground is constantly covered and re-covered, thinking we are really getting somewhere, when really much of it all is just going in circles. i believe we really do make some progress in our waiting, but then we become impatient and lose our place, we gain a little ground then get lost due to our impatience. We have to “capture and hold”, or “Hold the line!”  We must stand fast in the freedom we are given and not allow ourselves to become slaves all over again to the yoke of bondage we have previously been relieved of. Even when we do not “see” something or if we don’t “feel” that God is working … friends, “capture and hold” the moment, believe and stand fast on His promise that He is working mightily on our behalf, not allowing ourselves to become impatient, missing God’s opportunity. Think! We inherit the promises of God through faith and patience according to Hebrews 10:36.

The mind-set we need to have is … “Lord, i have come to the end of myself. I don’t have what it takes. It is obvious I cannot do what needs to be done by myself. I need you, for only You can do it.  I’m waiting on You.”

Waiting! Oh gosh sometimes that is so difficult. To “wait on God” means “to stay in place with the expectation of His further direction.” If there is one thing i know, it is this: The Lord hears me, and He WILL answer, but i do have to wait, which is a good thing yet such a difficult thing.

Psalms 62:5 “My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; The rock of my strength, And my refuge, is in God.”

Be encouraged to be willing to wait on God, as long as it takes. Are you willing to wait on God? i am included in my own question, Am i willing to wait on God? i say to myself, “Yes”, but i challenge my enthusiastic answer in realizing that saying “yes” and doing “yes” are often very different the same way “having wisdom and doing wisdom are often two different things”. For me, i have learned to be careful what i say “yes” to, and, once i say “yes” i must be prepared to change my agenda, objectives, or priorities in order to accomplish what it is God has asked of me to do. And then wait. On a side note, i’ll add, if you’re too busy, remember, you’re the one who said yes. Don’t miss that, here it is again, if you’re too busy, remember, you’re the one who said yes. We must also face the fact that sometimes when we tell others, “i’m too busy”, more often than we care to admit, i think what we’re really saying is “it’s not that important” and saying, “i’m too busy” is an excuse.

i read a story of Mother Teresa who wanted to go to a distant town to see if God wanted to do something there. She and another sister went, taking their staff and one change of clothes. They slept where they could and ate as God provided, waiting and praying for God to show them what He wanted them to do. As they waited for God under the big tree in the middle of town, they began to encounter the town children who lived on the street, and while they were waiting to find out what God wanted to do, they decided that in the mean time, they would teach the children to read. They put out the word if any children wanted to learn to read and write, for them to come to the big tree. Before long there were many children coming. In the end, while they were waiting to find out what God wanted to do, they raised a school, a mission, and a small medical center. God’s two exemplary servants waited on God, they did what was in front of them in the mean time and the Lord greatly blessed them.

The phrase “killing time” is an idiom, meaning we are engaging in some self-generated busy activity, usually an aimless one, with the goal of making time pass more quickly while we wait. Instead of “killing time” being busy so as to not notice we are waiting on something to happen, maybe we could be more committed to the Lord’s preferences and standards, doing what God has put in front of us, while we are waiting on God,

i went to the doctor’s office a while back, checked in, then was directed to have a seat in a place called “The Waiting Room”, oh yes, the dreaded Waiting Room. As i sat there i began to notice the overall idea of this place specifically designed for waiting. There were well thumbed through, tired looking magazines, restrooms which were nice yet sterile, very impersonal. A clean water fountain but still with finger prints on the button which the custodian failed to wipe off last night, a stack here and there of informational pamphlets which no one wanted to look at, and a string of somewhat comfortable non-descript generic chairs, wide and narrow, with plastic upholstery. The room itself is bored and tired. Then, of course, there are people, quite a few people, sitting, all waiting, after all, what would a waiting room be if there were no people to wait there. Some staring, others reading, dozing, softly talking, all waiting. The room wasn’t designed for extended stays but obviously someone realized that people, in general, don’t wait well, and went to work to provide an environment that made waiting less difficult and a little less painful in all that waiting.

We spend time in life waiting far more than anything else we do. Think about it, we wait at traffic lights, wait for food, wait to meet someone, wait for meetings, wait for the weather to change, wait for help, wait for the doctor, wait for justice, wait at the grocery store, wait at restaurants, and wait to get well, all that only to name a few. Sometimes we wait for people to make up their mind which seems to take extra patience, or so it seems. i’ll say it again, as much as we spend our lives in the process of waiting you’d think we would be much better at it than we are, and without a firm understanding of “Why” we are waiting, then what are we waiting for? Waiting without having a “why” and there’s no vision for an end point just seems like dying to me.

An infographic is a quick, clear visual representation of information; we don’t have to read much to get the data we’re looking for. Noah Davis wrote, “One infographic reported that our attention spans have dropped from 12 minutes to five. The rise of infographics in themselves is yet another example of humanity’s inability to read anything for more than a few words at a time without becoming incomprehensibly bored.” Mr. Davis continues, “Another site goes even further, claiming that attention spans have dropped from 12 seconds in 2000 to eight seconds in 2013 — or one second shorter than the attention span of a goldfish.” Honestly i don’t even know how to wrap my head around the idea that goldfish may have a longer attention span than many of us.

One of the important exhortations of the Bible is the call to “wait on the Lord.” Even though God promises special blessing for waiting, again, waiting is one of the most difficult exhortations of Scripture. Why is it so hard? Is it that somehow we’re sure we’ve got better things to do? Is it that we resent not getting what we want right NOW? Why do we need to entertained in order to wait? Phone in had, scroll, scroll, scroll. And when we’re bored, we tend to take matters into our own hands, to follow our own schemes when we have decided we’ve waited enough, saying under our breath, “i’ll just do it myself because God simply isn’t going to do anything.” Yet, over and over again we are told in Scripture “wait on the Lord.” Adam and Eve took matters into their own hands and did not wait on God to open their eyes, they decided to open their own eyes. That was not a very good day for them or any of the rest of us.

Israel had to wait to enter the promised land in Numbers 14, but then they, yes “they” decided to take matters into their own hands and tried to enter in anyway. Who decided to take matters into their own hands? They did, not God. Moses told them “Don’t do that”, but they just couldn’t wait and went anyway. Sadly, they were met by their enemies who drove them all the way back to Hormah. Opposingly, Abraham waited on God, and his waiting paid off, bigtime, in that a nation was raised up which covered the earth from east to west who were blessed of God.

Waiting creates time during which we learn to trust God. Lamentations 3:24-26 calls us to hope in and wait on the Lord because God often uses waiting to refresh, renew, and teach us. “The LORD is my portion,” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him. It is good that one should wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD.”

Waiting on God prepares us to have our real needs met. In Psalm 40:1-4 David received four benefits from waiting: God lifted him out of his despair; set his feet on a hard, firm path; steadied him as he walked; and put a new song of praise in his mouth.  I waited patiently for the LORD; he inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the LORD. Blessed is the man who makes the LORD his trust, who does not turn to the proud, to those who go astray after a lie!”

Waiting gives us the opportunity to work out our faith. Learning to wait builds endurance, and the ability to withstand hardship or adversity. In waiting we learn to believe God, to stand firm on His word and it also builds persistence ­­– persistence and endurance are not a means to gain salvation; they are a profitable by-product of a devoted life. i believe it’s necessary to point out the secret to enduring is trust and obedience. Trust God to give you patience to endure even the small trials you face every day; do what God says, even when deferring to God’s process is unattractive. That is not “do what He says” in the sense of keeping rules but in the sense of “yield and let His words persuade you”. Remember, not rules to keep but someone to be. Character!

Patience is developed through waiting. i can’t say i know of anyone who can’t wait to learn patience, although i do consider waiting in line at the grocery store an opportunity to practice my patience while waiting on an elderly lady to dig through her special little change purse to find exact change. While we are developing patience through waiting, even though God promises to reward our learning to wait, we sometimes feel the “payoff” is too far away. Practice one of your fruits of the Spirit, Be patient. God will answer, guaranteed. Let Him expand your attention span to be longer than aquarium gold fish. Wait on the Lord my friend, we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. Think about it

Psalm 27:14, “Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!”

Psalm 37:9, “For evildoers shall be cut off; But those who wait on the LORD, They shall inherit the earth.”

Psalm 37:34, “Wait on the LORD, And keep His way, And He shall lift you up high to inherit the land; When the wicked are cut off, you shall see it.”          Friends, waiting isn’t fun nor easy but learning to wait is a building block of our faith.

i’m Social Porter, and this production was brought to you by Living In His Name Ministries, Area 22 Guitars the home of excellent service and sales at a righteous price, Quality Tire’s very own Jimmy Payton, Kenny Maxwell at Farm Equipment Company on Chimney Rock Rd., the Mill End Store and Silk Shop out in Clear Creek,  and Trinity Bakers, where there’s always something good in the oven.

Be patient this week, be kind to yourself, tomorrow is another day. The hurt of getting something wrong, And the lesson it often brings, all of that is there to make you strong, all in good time. Life can be tough, there’s no doubt, but hope is the thing we can’t do without. Right things with joy will come about, all in good time. And that isn’t just “good time” but more God-time, the right time, right on time. You’ll see.

Practice your endurance while on the path to where you’re going. Wait on the Lord, be strong and courageous until we meet again.

We hide, we are hiding, and often remain hidden. Hide, hiding, and hidden.

i think, these days, many of us are hiding from God, but, you know, it’s not a childs game, and there’s no laughing and giggling to it all anymore. i do believe what was cute when we were two years old will get our hide tanned when we are 10. We may smear the food through our hair when we’re 12 months old and everyone thinks it’s cute, but if we do that when we’re 10 years old, i’d guess it would not go well for us.

Genesis 3:8-10, “And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. Then the Lord God called to Adam and said to him, “Where are you?” So he said, “I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself.”

When we’re hiding, we’ll do almost anything to keep from being honest. i’ve often thought fear and dread were the close friends of hiding, especially when we’re on the outs with God. Honestly, most of the things we hide about, really are small, but for whatever our reasons, rightly so or not, we are ashamed. We are sure that if we were God we’d be furious with us also, but that’s not the heart of God.

Adam and Eve were the first to be afraid and also the first to hide from God, and we the people, have been being afraid and hiding ever since. They heard God, were afraid, recognized their condition, and took action on it by hiding. i wonder how things would have been different for us all and God if Adam and Eve had simply confessed their wrong to God, on the spot?

Can you imagine the shame and regret Adam and Eve lived with after all that? They lived in a perfect creation which God had made, they had perfect minds and bodies, and lived in perfect fellowship with God. The lived the life of having a continuous every day walk around conversation with God and all that was in the Garden. And not only did they spoil it all for themselves but also for everyone else too. Their wrong choices paved the way for disease, decay, death, and separation from God. My guess is they had never seen disease, decay, and could not even imagine separation from God, but there it was, in their faces. The shame and regret must have been huge. They must have lived the rest of their lives in regret—after all, i’m fairly certain they remembered paradise.

Many are afraid of being seen for who they are, quite probably we recognize our condition to some degree or another, and we hide, swearing to everyone nothing is as it appears, all the while we absolutely loathe the word “why”. We assure others, “it’s all just a misunderstanding”, “Nothing is like you think”, “It’s not really that way”, or playing our victim card and putting it all back on everyone else, “Oh, your so mean and judgmental, besides who are you to tell me anything?”  i believe we hide for any number of fears and shames, like when we know we are swallowed up in the cares and riches of this world, or we are painfully aware of the scandal of our bad example to others. Maybe the Lord makes us highly aware of the eddys and currents of our thoughts which are hostile to life in Christ and hostile to God’s holiness.

Probably, the most common reason for hiding is our lack of faith expressed as our unwillingness to believe. Sometimes i feel like doubt is hiding in my closet somewhere in the back. When i’m honest before the Lord, i must admit that the reason i’m having a hard time is because of simple unbelief, and i’m ashamed of that, thus i pretend i’m hiding from His sight. Note that i’m only pretending, because nothing hides from the sight of the Lord.

We say we’re being honest and transparent, maybe even swearing an oath that what we say is the truth. i’ve thought to myself, “An oath is only as good as the person behind it.” On the other hand, sometimes i just don’t believe mankind could live with one another if there was no mutual confidence on some level that they were being truthful with one another.

Most of us love to tell others we live in a culture of honor, i’ve said it myself. But between myself and God, i’ve realized my lack of honesty doesn’t really support a culture of honor. Proverbs 15:33 says “The fear of the Lord is the instruction of wisdom, And before honor is humility.” Is it possible our lack of humility prevents us from the honesty we so desperately need in order to truly live in a culture of honor?

i’d like to stop my hiding ways. God is not hidden, we are the ones who are hidden. i think sometimes, we’ve hidden ourselves so well we can’t even find ourselves.

Isaiah 49:9 has a phrase which really jumps out at me, he says “show yourselves”. i say “Come out, come out, wherever you are!”

i’m Social Porter for Living In His Name.

Where are you on the “at rest” scale, with ten being at total rest, and zero, of course, being completely unnerved, twitchy, can’t settle your thoughts in one place, and restless? How about the “peace scale”? Are you feeling a little untied to a stable place? Peace, not just every now and then, that’s just people, but as in everyday, most of the time being at peace.

In today’s society, considering the vacuum of truth in our midst, i would imagine peace and rest are a “hard to come by” commodity for many.

Let me encourage you: do something good for yourself and embrace them both, peace AND rest, don’t let them get away! In fact, don’t just get rest and peace, live in it so they are a constant, not just a momentary thing that fades until next time.

Isaiah 57:2, “he enters into peace; they rest in their beds who walk in their uprightness.” That is “peace” as in shalom peace, a quieted soul even though the storm rages outside, and “rest” as in “laid to rest our inner turmoil” or absence of outward or inward busy activity which prevents one from being present and in the room.

Listen and believe this – God keeps an eye on his friends, His ears pick up every moan and groan, He even hears you when you sweat. The Hebrew word for rest literally means to live untroubled, to live in a sense of calm that is not dependent on outside sources, breathing in His uninterrupted passion and love for us who are the object of His affection, standing in the never ending eye of the flaming love of God. That is extravagant, i know, but from God’s perspective, that is a visual of His heart for us.

Matthew 11:28-29, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

If you are a friend of Christ then you are at rest in Christ. It seems it would be a good question to ask: who specifically are God’s friends? Are you a friend of God? How can you tell? Do you think that being a friend of God would be something you might be interested in? Do you think the Lord will let those who do NOT love Him, come and stay at His house and be part of the number He considers His family? Would you be glad to share your family name with someone who doesn’t like you, only wants what you’ve got, and wishes you were anyone other than who you are? Neither does He. But if you’re willing to change bloodlines, and change your name, then the Lord has more than you need, forever.

He’s got peace, shalom peace, full in all His pockets. Really, really. i fully believe Jesus has e-x-a-c-t-l-y what you need. Peace and rest. Let me add, in order to get the rest and peace we so desperately need, we’ll have to let go of some old things. Our shadows follow us around where ever we go, waiting to be unfolded. If we’re not willing to deal with shadows from our past, we may just end up shadow boxing with ourselves.

God can make right character bloom like fragrant flowers with rest and peace abounding far beyond the moon that fades from view every day. He can give you peace that will rule in your heart from sea to sea, from the River to the Rim. My friend, that’s worth having, don’t you think?

There was a man God raised up. He was a friend of God and God loved him so much. For a period of time though, the man did almost everything wrong: he loved his money too much, he greedily took another man’s wife, he dreamed wrongful things, acted so foolishly with no thought of tomorrow, and when he spoke, out of his mouth came poison water, at least that’s what he heard. All that plus he talked too much, his mouth had very little reservation about anything.

But above and through it all, he never let go of hope that God would have mercy on him. In the end, the Lord did exactly that, and God’s peace and rest ruled supreme in the man’s heart, mind, and body. Eventually he died, and he died at rest, in peace. Can you relate to any of that? Maybe you can or not. Either way, the need for rest and peace in the hearts of people is overwhelming, whether you’ve always been brother Big believer, sister super Christian, or a minimal believer, only calling on God in times of desperation. i’d say these are desperate times for everyone, and becoming more-so every day. Now is the time to call on Jesus. i’d like to be well practiced at being at peace and living in a state of rest, so i’m not overwhelmed in the day of trouble. Wouldn’t you?

John 14:26 “The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I’m leaving you well and whole. That’s my parting gift to you. Peace. I don’t leave you the way you’re used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don’t be upset. Don’t be distraught.”

Jesus gives us His rest and peace, and if anyone, anywhere, has them, it’s totally Gods domain. And i don’t mean peace as in a lack of violence, with everyone thinking we’re wonderful with hundreds of likes on FaceBook. i mean when the world swirls around us in chaos and dysfunction, in our hearts we are at peace like still waters and at rest because we have ceased from strife. We easily have rest because we trust God more than we fear what our eyes see and ears hear. Rest and peace. God designed it, God owns it, it is His to do with as He does.

Rest my friend and be at peace, in the name of Jesus. Considering the times, it’s a very valuable commodity. Do the right thing, let rest and peace bloom in your life like a field of wild flowers.

i’m Social Porter for Living In His Name.

Ever been in a relationship with someone where you felt if a new model came along, they’d gladly trade you in for a new one? I often hear from married couples how one partner or the other thinks and feels their spouse doesn’t have their backs. If they haven’t accomplished the task of leaving their father and mother and holding fast to each other, that especially stands out to me.

This whole thought about obligation to someone verses being obligated by someone is central to the My Gain–Your Pain game. The person playing this game makes sure the rule of obligating others to them instead of being obligated to others stays on course to get the win. They must be the “main man,” they n-e-e-e-d to win at all costs.

i met a man at jail who had been incarcerated on 40, or more, counts of burglary, pick-pocketing, breaking and entering, along with selling stolen goods. He was a nice guy, or at least he seemed so, yet was so over-confident it was just in-your-face arrogance. He was grotesquely swollen with hubris. He told me, with a smile, how he’d gotten into people’s houses, jimmied locks, lifted wallets right out of people’s pockets, all without the anyone knowing he had been there and stolen their stuff, or knowing their wallets had just be stolen. He seemed proud of his achievements. i asked him what he thought was at the core of his infamous career of thievery. He said he thought it was the feeling of being smart, what he meant was “not just smart but smarter than you because you are so stupid”. Yea, he left off that part. Then he asked me what i thought it was. Ok, he asked. i said “arrogance”. He asked how so? i said, “i bet you think you’re soooo slick, you could steal the glasses off my face and i wouldn’t even know they’re gone.” He laughed and said “You’re right. i do.” i said, “There you go, case in point.”, and his face fell at the realization he’d been caught. He loved having leverage over others, obligating them to himself, in a way which made them think they “owed him, big time.” He had no concern for the pain of loss he caused other people. He found the thrill untameably exhilarating, and thrilled at his being able to lie so well nobody could catch him being intoxicated at his ability to manipulate others. He was willing to do whatever it took in order to get the con over on others. It was a classic case of “run, run, fast as you can, you can’t catch me i’m the gingerbread man. My gain, your pain.”

Whatever this game player does is reckless. They’ll do dangerous things even if they know others could be hurt. They know how not to do things and pull on people who will do what they won’t do. i have read that the best con job is when someone presents a problem, then waits for the other person to offer to resolve their problem. That way the con man can say “I never asked for your help. You offered and i took you up on it. It’s not my fault things didn’t go well for you.”

Here’s how children play the game with their parents. “Dad, is it alright if I stay overnight with my best friend?” Dad says “No.” Then the child starts acting like they’ve been victimized by the parent, maybe even traumatized at being denied their request. “You just don’t want me to have a life!” Come to find out, that overnight deal was already established by the child and their best friend as a sure thing, but dad got in the way of their goal. The result? The parent gets the pain. If permission isn’t granted the kid is out of there with an egotistical bitterness that says if I can’t go, then you can’t be happy either. Pretty exciting stuff huh?

Jesus never played that game. When it came to being responsible even if it was unexciting and unsatisfying, He was committed to the relationship for the long haul.

Out of love, he actually obligated himself to us. It was His pain-our gain; a risk on His part, because He couldn’t guarantee He’d be loved back. No one controlled or victimized Him. He was in control of his choice.

In minding the gap for a My Gain-Your Pain game, what thoughts would you share about obligating ourselves to people instead of obligating them to us?

This was written by Jerry Price

Thank you for listening, i’m Social Porter for Living In His Name Ministries.

I won’t accept when things go wrong and to someone else, the blame belongs. That’s the blame game by choosing to be a victim for reasons of an agenda.

When conflict comes our way, for those who play the “blame game”, before things even get difficult, we’re already thinking about blaming someone or something else so we can stay out of trouble. Recently, i lost some files from my computer. At first i was thinking, “stupid computer, yet once again, you’ve lost my files.” Shortly, i had to laugh at myself and said out loud, “No, it wasn’t the computer’s fault, you simply didn’t save your work.” The responsibility for saving my work was on me, not the computer, and i was so ready to curse and be angry with the computer, when really, it was me all along.

I know there are genuine victims – those are the people who had no choice when unavoidable harm came their way. It’s hard to admit because we tend to think surely something could have been done to avoid the injury. The thought of being out of control is unacceptable so we fight the use of the very word – victim.

Sad to say, some people actually like the idea of being a victim, and even when they are or aren’t, somewhere in their thinking they are choosing to live as one. Their victim-mechanism is always running in the background somewhere, just humming along, ready to get geared up and put into play. As preposterous as that sounds …. I mean that really happens, more often than we think! Those who seem to like the idea of being a victim see it as an opportunity to spring into something irresponsible but wouldn’t unless they can believe they are victims. Then, the game is played to get the win. For abusers, often it’s a mechanism to divert attention away from their abusive actions or trying to gain sympathy and support. Manipulators often play the “poor me” roll too, lobbying sympathy from someone to get something from them. They play on those who have a conscious and are compassionate. One time, a felon told me with a self-congratulating grin, “i played that old lady like a fiddle string.” i’ve seen alcoholics who are well schooled at playing the victim ask for constructive criticism, allow themselves to be rescued, and even go through some small regimen of recovery, all the while feeling very enabled as attention getters, keeping well meaning people coming back to help, over and over. At the end of the day whether abuser or manipulator, it’s all about control. Most who play their victim card know very well what has happened, but often, there they sit, like a crumpled piece of paper, asking with downcast eyes, “Would someone please tell me what i did wrong?”

Is it premeditated? Yes. Does it feel like it’s premeditated? No. This game seems to be all about feeling but it’s really about how they think and power. Everything is done by the game player to keep their victims from discovering that fact, and you can believe, if their twisted thinking and power manipulation is uncovered, big dramas result. A true victim, someone who was in an unfortunate situation at no fault of their own, differs from the manipulator playing a victim by not ignoring their ability to improve their situation. The victim role-player makes no quick move to change their situation, using it for all it’s worth to get attention, just loving the high drama of it all.

When does the blame game stop? Let me confirm what you probably already know. It stops when the person playing the game decides to be responsible for themselves and their choices, when they understand how this game hurts others plus themselves and start to care about people.

Jesus was firm about this throughout the New Testament and demonstrated how important it was to take responsibility for our actions. He was not a Blame Game Player. We can see an example of this in John 18 even when false charges were trumped up against him. He never hedged about who he was and what he came to do. He was a victor and though treated badly, he loved.

The blame game needs to be exposed early in life or else it will be a tough habit to break. Let me leave you with a question: What do you feel when this game is played on you and does it help you to know the game is premeditated?

TThis was written by Jerry Price

Thank you for listening, i’m Social Porter for Living In His Name Ministries.

11.06.2024

Let the vision play. See this… Imagine yourself on a long stretch of highway and you’re driving. It’s a two-lane black top road. See yourself driving across mountains and valleys, wide places and desert places. One day, as you’re driving through a long dry valley, although it’s a very nice valley, suddenly the road comes to an end. It’s not a bad place it’s just that there’s nothing there. No houses, no cities, no towns, no gas stations… it’s just in the middle of nowhere and it’s the end of the road. You stop the car as you ease to a stop, put it in park, turn the engine off, and get out slowly like someone who has been driving all day. Stretch, then go stand at the front of the car. The wind is soft, it’s a warm, mild, and clear day. As you lean against the car, you take a minute to study the end of the road and think how odd that it is paved this far and just seems to stop. Looking right to left you see high mountains, the valley continuing straight ahead and more mountains to the left. Still standing at the front of the car, you turn your head and look at behind you to see where you have come from and all that’s incurred in life thus far. !But, when you turn your head back around suddenly, where the road ended now there is a new road. Still a two lane black top, but a much improved road, wider with nicer shoulders.

Janine – Behold, the road runs on.

And it runs on towards the mountains and winds it’s way up to the high places. As the first voice spoke to John in Revelation 4:1 saying, “Come up here”, meaning come up here to a higher place so you can see better (my paraphrase), the Lord is saying to you “Come up here, to a high place where you can see better”.  In those high places I see there are communities you have not been to yet. In a park like recreation place, there is a covered cookout area, a man with rolled up sleeves is unrolling some blueprints. The Lord wants you to know that He’s taking you to a place you have seen in glimpses but not in it’s fullest. He has a plan, a really good plan, in fact, the best plan, not just “a” plan but THE best plan. There Is, for you, power to move and operate, there is vision, provision and preparation there for you. There are some neighbors that may seem a little distant at first but they’re really good neighbors they are just careful. Take your time, you’re not in a hurry. It’s not entrenched pain, it’s only transition and transition takes time. Use your fruit of the Spirit “patience” and “longsuffering”. Persist, persist, persist. You can do this. The Lord says to encourage you to continue your “everyday walk around conversation” with Him and with all of your “everyday walk around integrity” and to continue to wear your “I love Jesus” t-shirt. It’s okay it’ll turn out just fine. You’ll be ok. And the road runs on where it looked like it just ended, the road runs on. Turn the page, new chapter, it’s not the end but the beginning. Behold, the road runs on.

w.c.whitaker

Sometimes examples of communication can be ridiculously funny.

The Massachusetts Bar Association Journal printed the following questions that were actually asked of witnesses during a trial. Were you alone or by yourself? Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? You were there until the time you left, is that true? Hmmmm. A bit silly sounding if we are paying attention. With questions like that i can’t help but wonder what kind of response the attorney expected.

How we communicate can make all the difference in the world with listening being one of the keys to success in a world full of trouble. Many times it’s not what was said but how we said it. As we all know, or at least we should know, an unpleasant word can be spoken with such kindness that the other person is more receptive to hearing, or, even a simple thing can be said so sharply that an angry reply is eminent. i suppose we need to decide if we want to resolve the problem or simply put our foot on someone’s neck, if you know what i mean.

Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Someone came up with this listening formula of three main points for building successful relationships – something I could put into more practice myself.

1. Listen to the other person’s story.
2. Listen to the other person’s full story.
3. Listen to the other person’s full story first.

James also addresses the baggage believers bring into their relationships with other believers.

James 1:19-21, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”

He discovered they were using inappropriate expressions of anger, which didn’t bring about the righteous life God desired. In fact, he called that communication style a “moral filth or evil” to be rid of. Being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry is James’ approach to a healthy method of operation. When we take the time to hear what is being said to us, even if we disagree, tends to seriously put a damper on anger and arrogance that prevents us from hearing the Lord. When we are presented with words of disagreement, criticism, and even someone condescendingly dismissing us as if we are worthless, it’s all too easy to feel justified in returning an angry response. Our angry responses do NOT generate a righteous outcome typically. In fact, they usually make our position worse, and may even discredit our declaration of faith in God. i think it would be much better to trust God to defend us as opposed to spitting out sharp words made in anger. Of course, that’s easier said than done. An angry man told me once that some people need slapping really bad, but he knew from experience that not only was it the wrong response, but chances are good the action would permanently defeat any future possibilities of resolution.

Erik Wiehenmayer reached the summit of Mt. Everest on May 25, 2001. 90% of the climbers who attempt this feat fail. What makes Erik’s climb amazing? He’s been blind since he was 13! The reason he succeeded is because he listened well. He listened for a bell tied to the back of the climber in front of him. He listened for instructions of teammates who would shout directions to him. He listened for the sound of his pick jabbing the ice to know whether it was safe to cross. He made the summit because he listened well.

Clearly, James wants us to listen to the familiar bell of God’s Word which can keep us from deep internal resentments and inappropriate expressions that break down a relationships. To have the listening skills of an Erik Wiehenmayer is a good thing, right?

Thanks for listening, i’m Social Porter for Living In His Name Ministries.