Sometimes examples of communication can be ridiculously funny.
The Massachusetts Bar Association Journal printed the following questions that were actually asked of witnesses during a trial. Were you alone or by yourself? Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? You were there until the time you left, is that true? Hmmmm. A bit silly sounding if we are paying attention. With questions like that i can’t help but wonder what kind of response the attorney expected.
How we communicate can make all the difference in the world with listening being one of the keys to success in a world full of trouble. Many times it’s not what was said but how we said it. As we all know, or at least we should know, an unpleasant word can be spoken with such kindness that the other person is more receptive to hearing, or, even a simple thing can be said so sharply that an angry reply is eminent. i suppose we need to decide if we want to resolve the problem or simply put our foot on someone’s neck, if you know what i mean.
Proverbs 15:1, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Someone came up with this listening formula of three main points for building successful relationships – something I could put into more practice myself.
- Listen to the other person’s story.
- Listen to the other person’s full story.
- Listen to the other person’s full story first.
James also addresses the baggage believers bring into their relationships with other believers.
James 1:19-21, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.”
He discovered they were using inappropriate expressions of anger, which didn’t bring about the righteous life God desired. In fact, he called that communication style a “moral filth or evil” to be rid of. Being quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry is James’ approach to a healthy method of operation. When we take the time to hear what is being said to us, even if we disagree, tends to seriously put a damper on anger and arrogance that prevents us from hearing the Lord. When we are presented with words of disagreement, criticism, and even someone condescendingly dismissing us as if we are worthless, it’s all too easy to feel justified in returning an angry response. Our angry responses do NOT generate a righteous outcome typically. In fact, they usually make our position worse, and may even discredit our declaration of faith in God. i think it would be much better to trust God to defend us as opposed to spitting out sharp words made in anger. Of course, that’s easier said than done. An angry man told me once that some people need slapping really bad, but he knew from experience that not only was it the wrong response, but chances are good the action would permanently defeat any future possibilities of resolution.
Erik Wiehenmayer reached the summit of Mt. Everest on May 25, 2001. 90% of the climbers who attempt this feat fail. What makes Erik’s climb amazing? He’s been blind since he was 13! The reason he succeeded is because he listened well. He listened for a bell tied to the back of the climber in front of him. He listened for instructions of teammates who would shout directions to him. He listened for the sound of his pick jabbing the ice to know whether it was safe to cross. He made the summit because he listened well.
Clearly, James wants us to listen to the familiar bell of God’s Word which can keep us from deep internal resentments and inappropriate expressions that break down a relationships. To have the listening skills of an Erik Wiehenmayer is a good thing, right?
Thanks for listening, i’m Social Porter for Living In His Name Ministries.