i sometimes catch myself wishing others weren’t the way they are. How often we have said to ourselves in a moment of anguish, “Gahh! i wish so-and-so was different! Why do they have to be that way?”
It’s easy to think of all the ways we believe someone else should change and what they should do to make a relationship better… but maybe, just maybe… we should think more along the lines of what we might do to make things better. We seem to always want the other person to change, but above what we think they should do, we should also be open to letting God show us ways in which we might change also.
Romans 12:16, “Live in harmony with one another. Don’t be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.”
It’s good to want peace, but we need to go the extra mile and be peacemakers. Don’t just think about everything that is wrong with the person you’re struggling with, also think about their good points too. And yes, i realize there are truly people in this world who may not seem to have any good points. If you go to a maximum security prison and speak to some of those who stay behind locked doors all the time, it’s easy to think some people have no good qualities. i believe, having lived my life as one, God has a special place in His heart for fools. Actually, i’m eternally pleased He has room for me.
Time is changing, the world is still turning, Jesus has not returned yet, so, whether we like it or not we must live … today, and again tomorrow, etc, etc., living every day in the name of Jesus with all our breathing, thinking, feeling, and strength. i’ve never heard of Christian retirement unless it is dying. The world is changing and we must change also…simply put, we can’t continue to be like we are and still expect the spiritual climate of our world to change when we, the climate changers, don’t want to address our internal conflicts and cognitive dissonances.
When you turn off the main highway and go all the way to the end of Old Field Road, there at the end of the road is Outposts, a beautiful cafe inhabited by kindness and joy, where, the moment you step in the door, weariness falls off like grave clothes, and the warm glow of the goodness of God breathes refreshment to tired bones. This is a semi-live broadcast from the deck area of the late evening, cascading banks of the Ockluhwahhah River, where the trees gently lean over the river’s edge, and every evening is pleasant. i’ll be your host this evening with contemplative conversation, and cool jazz. So glad you stopped in. Pull up a chair, breathe easy, and sit a while with me.
i’m Social Porter and this evening’s topic is change… the pain of it, and the necessity of it. When it hurts too much to stay the same, people will change, but in the meantime when it hurts too much to change, alas, they will stay the same. Friends, change is on the horizon and it simply must happen.
So let’s get to it…pull up a chair, sit back, put your ears on, and enjoy what’s in front of you….
Amos 3:3, “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” Or put another way as a statement, “two walking together must agree to go together.”
What is it that makes it so we are reluctant to change, even when it’s for the better? Is it that, even if we’re in a bad situation, it could be nothing more than the longitude and latitude we are familiar with?… at least we think we know where we are and what to expect. Or could the truth be something more subtle?
Our fear can keep us from growing up… it can make us do all sorts of illogical things… like being afraid to end a relationship that may seriously need to end, change careers, move to a better place, begin new friendships, or just generally attempt anything beyond our ordinary habits. So many of us seem to often stay in situations that are no longer working, far longer than we should have, simply because what is familiar feels safer than the unknown. i think any change involves overcoming fear in some capacity or another. We think to ourselves, “What if I’m alone forever?” or maybe, “What if I find out I’m incompetent?”. As the people of God, we often balk at changing our doctrine because it agrees with the views of our peers, and it’s more important for us to be “in the club” than to have a better understanding of God. Our minds manufacture a million little excuses for remaining right where we are, afraid to even question our own epistemology, which is what you believe, how you came to that conclusion, and why you think it’s a good idea.
The Pharisees were so uncomfortable with Jesus… they hated Him and eventually found a way to have Him killed.
In Acts 6 we see Stephen who is stepping out in power, doing great wonders and signs where everyone could see him. For those watching Stephen, even though they couldn’t resist the power and wisdom of the Holy Spirit, they resented the necessary change Stephen represented. They manipulated some guys to lie against Stephen, saying, “We have heard him speak blasphemous words against Moses and God.” It upset the local people so much so that they grabbed Stephen and dragged him before the dreaded council, bringing in more people to lie, putting words in their mouths to say, “This man does not cease to speak blasphemous words against this holy place and the law; for we have heard him say that this Jesus of Nazareth will destroy this place and change the customs which Moses delivered to us.”
Though no one can actually keep the law, and no man is justified or finds salvation by the law, the only reason i can figure that they objected to Jesus was because leadership was afflicted with the three P’s of mammon…. position, power, and prestige… they had figured out how to make money from the law, to gain a place of importance and a title… and this Jesus, whom Stephen preached about, was just messing up their system.
The idea of change was so uncomfortable they were willing to lie, cheat, and even murder a man in order to keep from changing. Also, i believe it was more important for them to be right in their own eyes than it was to have a relationship with the Lord and understand His heart.
So here’s a question for all of us who are reluctant to change… please be honest with yourself: Do you just want to be right, or do you really want to know what the Lord is saying?
In this day and age with all the crazy stuff going on, i say, for most of us, “the only thing worse than change is no change”. We can’t keep being like we are and expect the world to get any better. From the Message, Joel 2:13, “Change your life, not just your clothes. Come back to GOD, your God. And here’s why: God is kind and merciful. He takes a deep breath, puts up with a lot, This most patient God, extravagant in love, always ready to cancel catastrophe.”
To change from God’s perspective is to be transformed or converted, and also means to substitute one thing or person for another, like an exchange. Didn’t Jesus empower us to be able to change by exchanging His life for ours? The idea of change has a continuous washing motion to it… it’s not a one-time thing and then everything is just fine. From God’s perspective, change is like a long slow turn, taken in increments, letting His counsel change us, making each life course adjustment a sure and better direction.
In Romans 12:2, Paul urges us all to not be conformed to this world but to be transformed by the renewal of our mind. You know, that’s easy to say, but it is a lifelong process that is largely uncomfortable many times. But, in light of that, why don’t we change, even though we may know it is the best thing for us? What is it that prevents you? Why do we have such a hard time letting God be good to us?
i believe there are four agonies: blame, guilt, grief, and anger. People do terrible things to themselves and others when they live under the crushing weights of any combination of the terrible four… they are an agony of the soul that keeps us bound in a continual downward spiral of an unchanging life. You know, hurting people hurt people.
Psalm 31:10, “For my life is spent with sorrow, and my years with sighing; my strength fails because of my iniquity, and my bones waste away.” Jesus is interested in changing our hearts and offers us forgiveness and counseling to set us upright and in our right mind. He will take our burdens from us if we will allow Him to shoulder those weights. “If”… “if” we’ll allow it… yea… those slippery little “if’s”.
Now, as to the four agonies, the binding burdens to bear: When we feel the despair of unfading blame at the end of an aiming finger… the burden of blame is crushing. Within blame, there is an accusatory thrust whose nature is to surround and bind our minds and hearts. Blamed people tend to blame people, and if there is no one to blame, we often blame ourselves, though there are no grounds for it. OH…how well do i know this! When relationships fail, i am often the first person i blame, even though it is possible it had nothing to do with me. Here is the model i grew up with…my mother blamed us, constantly, and we all grew up smugly blaming others for whatever wasn’t right in our lives. With God’s constant help and support, it has taken years to stop being so combative about everything, to stop feeling accused all the time, and stop feeling the need to blame myself and others…it’s hard to stop… especially when you’re so sure you are right!
Let us ask the Lord for wisdom and confidence in our decision-making process. Confidence in God is a wall of safety against blame and guilt.
An amazing number of people walk through each day with the millstone of guilt around their necks. Maybe we have not done the things we should have, or…we’ve done things which should never have been done. We cannot undo the past, and the memory of our hurtful deeds can cause a lifetime of pain. For many, the seemingly harmless sins and offenses of our youth can weigh on our consciences forever… and in the minds of others, those same conflicts of our youth stick like super glue….and don’t you know the enemy uses offense to wound us all.
Grief demands an answer, but sometimes… there just isn’t one… yea, i know, we try to keep on keeping on, sort of keeping up appearances so people may stop asking us how we are….we say we’re, “doing just great” or “no problem, i’m moving on,” and “Oh yea, i’m having a great day,” ….it seems so many expect us to easily be over our grief, even before the grass grows green over a loved one’s grave….yet there is grief, still clinging to your back seeming to be an emptiness of unbearable weight which allows no rest for the one trying to shoulder it.
The last is anger… it is exhausting and corrosive, we wear it even in our micro-communications to others. Anger hangs on us for the world to see like a bad suit… a dark cloud that follows us around… it is one of the most disfiguring and tiring of all burdens to bear. i heard one fellow allude to an angry man being like a dung beetle ….it finds some animal dung, rolls up a little ball of the stuff, and just rolls it around everywhere it goes, spreading it everywhere, feeding off it, even raising their young in it. We do the same thing, and it prevents the change we so desperately need.
Jesus will take the burden of those four agonies from us if we let Him… we must change and allow God to take our burdens from us… yield to God. Open your hands and let it go, and yes, i know, it’s easier said than done, but in Christ it can be done. Matthew 11:28-29, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
Change is necessary…and in order for us to be world changers, we must be willing for ourselves to change, and change we must.
How will we come to change? More rules? More laws to keep? No one who says they keep the law actually keeps the law, so going back to doing the law holds no relief from the weight of agony and conflict. Does striving to be even more obedient and being a “better rule-keeper” help us to change? Nooo. In our society today, our government is imposing more and more rules, but the general public is getting more and more unruly and less law-abiding. More rules and laws only increase the load, not lighten the load.
i’ve met so, so many people who go to counseling and take mind-bending pharmaceuticals trying to overcome mental and emotional burdens, only years later, when they try to get free of the drugs and counseling, not only has nothing changed, but in fact, they’ve gone backward from where they were. True, for some it helps, but by far and large, i believe for many, the problem is far more spiritual… additionally, there is a cognitive dissonance going on that is not being addressed. We must change and let God change us. The church, as it is today, cannot keep going the way it is and expect to change the world. Through passion, we ardently claim we are world changers, but change starts with us, in our head and heart, in our own house with our own families.
1 Thessalonians 2:2, “But though we had already suffered and been shamefully treated at Philippi, as you know, we had boldness in our God to declare to you the gospel of God in the midst of much conflict.”
The word, “conflict” is the Greek word “agon”, where we get our word for “agony”. The Lord calls us to release our earth-bound agonies to Him, and let Him carry those things, let Him resolve the conflicts.
i believe our greatest contentions are within ourselves… i am the biggest rock in the bottom of my own boat. When anger seems about to devour you, when you are caught in the downpour and deluge of grief, when guilt and blame accuse us day and night, we can say to the Lord who lives, “this is too heavy a burden; please carry it for me.” Remember friends, you have the right to call on the name of Jesus. By His blood He made it possible to approach the throne of grace and make your petition known, being persistent in faith that He hears you and will answer… our request for help is not made to an imaginary friend but to the living Jesus. Ask the Lord for help, the simple word “help” is probably the most powerful prayer to God in the universe.
William D. Strayhorn tells a story about a little boy who was helping his father with some yard work. The man asked the boy to clear some rocks from one part of the yard, and the boy eagerly began the task. Soon he came upon a large rock half buried in the ground that was too heavy to move. The boy heaved and tugged with all of his strength, but was unable to budge the rock. “I can’t do it,” he confessed to his father. The man asked the boy, “Did you use all of your strength?” The boy, visibly spent with perspiration running down his face, looked hurt and replied, “yes I did; I used every bit of strength I have.” The man smiled and said, “No you didn’t; you didn’t ask me to help.” Then the two of them walked over and together pulled the rock out of the dirt.
When change needs to happen and we are stuck in the four agonies somewhere, the first thing we do is call on the name of the Lord for help, and we call…and call…and call…..as often as necessary until things change. Trust Him at His word, He will answer. We can not stay the same and expect things to change.
The Hebrew word for conflict literally means to toss, grapple, to fight, and dispute… meaning there is a conscious argument going on and we’re just letting it ride without resolution… within our own heart we may be settled, but in our head, there is an agony which prevents us from really getting a leg up on change. The Hebrew letters in the word “conflict” reveal “in a man’s head, there is a wrestling effort going on, and it affects the whole house.” , including everyone in the sphere of our influence. The enemy of our soul inspires and propagates grief, blame, guilt, and anger… that means that our conflicts are not simply things we have invented… many of us just buy into our internal conflicts, round and round and round… days going by, and yet we are still not seeing much change in ourselves.
Ephesians 3:16-17, “I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.”
i have been asking myself, what then, can we do to shed the four agonies from ourselves so that we would more effectively enter into the presence and practice of the Kingdom of God? Honestly, i don’t have anything like “2 simple ways to avoid blame and guilt”, or “four steps to resolving grief”, or how about, “6 easy ways to not be angry anymore”….it’s truly… not that simple. Furthermore, we need to know that all four of the agonies build on shame, and friends…. if we don’t do something about shame, restoration is very, very difficult. All i know is that Jesus is the only one who can resolve our internal conflicts.
i asked a woman who had, for her entire life, been in a difficult relationship with her mother, how she dealt with blame and guilt, having come from a home where blame and guilt was a common mode of operation. She thought a moment, then said, “I don’t.” i asked if she meant she had good boundaries and her mother’s blame/guilt game just rolled off her back? She said “No… i don’t know what to do with it but keep asking the Lord to help me be released from the imposed responsibility my mom tried to put on me.” She said she has learned to slowly sort out what is her responsibility and what is not. It has taken years, but it is the path the Lord took her on to learn how to not take on burdens that were not hers to bear.
We all must deal with conflict and adversity in life, but when our conflicts and adversities impinge themselves upon us with such intensity as to slow our walk in Christ, we must do something with it. And, think about it.
The church must change, therefore, we as individuals in the church must change. Change without transformation is completely unsatisfactory. We must cease carrying our millstones of guilt while wearing the face of being good soldiers; let God give us good boundaries defining what is our responsibility and what is not, that blame would not get its fingers around our throat; i pray that the grace of God would lift the burden of grief, and kindness would be extended to those grieving hearts, helping them find their feet again; and that the fire of anger, born out of intense internal conflict, would stop being part of our every meal and that our children would not be raised in it anymore. Ultimately, the church needs to change that shame would cease to hang on so many like grave clothes, chaining them in darkness, often confining them to chaos. If we don’t do something with shame, it makes the restoration of broken hearts nearly impossible.
God is going in an upward direction and we must follow. Young people who are raised in church are leaving the congregation around the time they get to their early twenties. Don’t believe me, look at the statistics. Oh sure, they believe in god, but the truth is, they don’t have any particular god in mind. In 2014, at least 4 million people got saved across America, but yet church attendance is… down. Don’t believe me, look at the stats again. The stats beg the question then: Where are those plus 4 million people and why is attendance down? There are several reasons, but primarily i believe it’s because the Jesus they met when they got saved, isn’t the same Jesus they found when they went to church. They found people with all the same unresolved internal conflicts as before they were saved, and the church people, just like the world, seemed to be making no big move to do anything about their agony, just putting on a face, going through the moves, but by far and large, not much changed with themselves, so not much changed with the world around them. Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” 1 John 5:3 says God’s commands are not burdensome. Let Jesus lighten your load.
i realize all this talk of change is possibly unpleasant, but sometimes we’ve just gotta talk about stuff that’s not glowing and pleasant, you know… everything can’t always be candy canes, moonbeams, and merry-go-rounds… from time to time, we’ve got to go to the barn and shovel some horse apples to make compost with.
The world is changing and we must change also…simply put, we can’t continue to be like we are and still expect the spiritual climate of our world to change when we, the world changers, don’t want to address our internal conflicts and cognitive dissonance. Jesus is the answer, he is always the answer, and there’s never a time He’s not the answer. Allow the Lord to resolve your conflict, and be strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might. Let your light shine this week, be strong and courageous, going forward in Jesus’ name, amen!