God forgave Israel at their darkest moment, but it did not let them off the hook for their actions. We must find a balance here. Just because we forgive, everything is not suddenly “fine, just fine,” neither is it right to continue to hold someone’s offense over their head. Ahh, yea, easier said than done.

Sometimes i hear someone say they are upset or angry when others do something wrong according to them, saying the wrong thing, or acting in a way we are sure is inappropriate. It’s ever so easy for all of us to become critical, aiming our ever-ready judgmental fingers which, by law, may be technically correct, yet many times we arrive at the wrong conclusions. We should ask ourselves concerning those who offend us, “Who can guess the intent of your neighbors actions?” Can you guess what was really going on in that persons heart? How can you tell your conclusion was correct? Did they share with you or are you simply filling in the blank because the truth is, you don’t actually know anything?

Let’s see the big picture: take a moment before we judge; step back and carefully consider before we react. God asked us to use common sense, dividing right from wrong, not condemn any who don’t fit our model of rightness. Did we actually investigate to gather data, or did we merely read the news, which is often no less than passing rumors, and filling in the blanks according to their agenda? What does God say about the offense of our neighbor, and what does God say about our reaction? We can’t preach love and grace out of one side of our mouth, then spit fire and condemnation out of the other. i think that’s called, “speaking out of both sides of your mouth.”

Often our hasty reactions are wrong reactions. Often we live out the statement, “Mercy for me, justice for you,” holding others hostage by our lack of forgiveness, reminding them of their actions and withholding affection, but yet we, ourselves, expect full forgiveness and even acquittal. Many times, even though the other person admits their guilt and asks forgiveness, we may smile and say we forgive, but in our hearts there still lives woundedness and a grudge.

There is not one person who hasn’t done themselves and others wrong in some fashion or another. All have fallen short of the glory of God. If we hold others hostage for their wrong doing we deny them relational trust, which God has so liberally extended to us as seen in His commitment to our welfare. Did you get that? “Relational Trust”. You need to know there are two kinds of trust: Transactional trust, and relational trust.

Guy Harris wrote that “transactional trust” is trusting another person to do what they said they would do, and “relational trust” is trusting another person to listen to and understand us and our emotional state.

Also, we really need to forgive, not for the other person but for ourselves – as long as we don’t forgive we stay chained to the other person in our circumstance of offense.

When we ardently remember the wrong of our neighbor we deny them re-entry into right relationship with us. If all our wrong doings were suddenly the topic of tomorrows newspaper, there may not be enough pages in the daily news, so who are we to exploit our neighbor? Do we need to be validated so bad we allow ourselves to be compelled to put our foot on our neighbors’ neck in order to feel important? Isn’t it enough God has spoken to us?

What will it cost us to allow people room and time to rethink their actions or words? Now listen up, that may take a while so we’ll also have to practice some patience and grace if and when they come to a better conclusion. If we are the Christians we say we are, pray for your neighbor instead of accuse your neighbor. Face it, many people aren’t going to apologize like we want them to. Many people truly don’t know the words, they’ve never crafted a good apology, not necessarily because they are mean and resentful, but because they don’t have words yet, and may not even be aware of their actions. Sure, they may have an idea, but it is truly unusual to find someone who actually knows the value of saying or even how to say, “I was wrong,” and then tell the details of it all. Lend the world your ear, not your critical, aiming finger, after all, most of the time they are acting like us. Let us be swept away with the goodness of God rather than the badness of our neighbor.

What if we actually gave people time to come to us, while we refused to carry the hurt or offense of the situation? We may have to actually engage them and be willing for the conversation before they address the issues themselves. Again, it is possible, you know, that the other person may not be aware of an offense they’ve caused?

Peter asked Jesus, “How often can my brother do me wrong and i must forgive him? Seven times?” And Jesus told him, “What? Seven?! Hardly! Try seventy times seven”. (Matthew 18:21) Real forgiveness does not keep track of offenses. The rabbis taught that people should forgive those who offend them—but only three times. Peter, trying to be especially generous, asked Jesus if seven (the “perfect” number) was enough times to forgive someone. But, as we know, Jesus answered, “Seventy-seven times,” meaning that we shouldn’t even keep track of how many times we forgive someone. We should forgive others, no matter how many times they ask. Of course, that doesn’t mean we don’t practice good boundaries, but it does mean we absolutely may not leverage fellowship and affection against their admission of wrong doing, like, “i’ll love you if you’ll repent, but otherwise, i’ll treat you like the scum you are.” Gosh, that’s ugly, isn’t it? That’s not right.

Everyone needs hope, especially today. A flicker is an inconsistent fluctuating light. A glimmer is to shine faintly, but is more consistent than a flicker. God’s light in us is more than a flicker or a glimmer, it’s a glow.

Learn to see that flicker or glimmer in others, but don’t let offense create a blind spot in your own eyes when the opportunity is in front of you for a Godly response. People are condemned enough in their own mirror and don’t need our judgment and finger pointing, they need encouragement and hope. We’ve got it, so let’s give it!

i’m Social Porter for Living In His Name.