There are not many things as uncomfortable as someone scowling and aiming their finger at you. It is possible to inspire feelings of guilt in other people simply by scowling and aiming our bony finger at them. There is a kind of pressure extended at the business end of a gun, and our aiming finger looks something like the aiming gun of judgment. For those who feel the need to exact judgment on behalf of others, i say nice shootin’ Tex, but put your guns away.

It’s a funny thing, people insist others be honest and transparent about their opinions and infractions, yet when they are, the same honesty and transparency is often used against them. In a way, it looks more like Karpman’s drama triangle than a fellowship designed for reconciliation and restoration. With all the banging and crashing around and our exercising judgement towards our neighbor at church, sometimes i think we should wear crash helmets instead of hats.

And what, you may ask, is Karpman’s drama triangle? Well, in short here it is: imagine a triangle, and then imagine at the top point the word “controller”, at the bottom right is “victim”, and at the bottom left is “persecutor”. It takes at least two to play this game. The controller/rescuer exerts personal power over the victim, until the victim can’t stand the onslaught of control anymore, then they switch places. The victim becomes the persecutor, and the controller becomes the victim, with the persecutor pounding on the “controller who has become the victim” until everyone is exhausted. A mild lull in the conflict occurs, then everyone goes back to their original places. For a moment it may appear there is peace, but the truth is, it all starts all over again, round and round. It reminds me of being trapped in a washing machine, and the beater is just pounding back and forth till you’re nearly beaten to pieces. The only way out is to stop playing the game where one of the two players wakes up to the cycle, or someone quits the relationship.

Isn’t the aiming finger of judgment like that? Put your guns away. Did you know that one meaning behind the Hebrew word for judgment is to “level the hand at, as in aiming the finger”? Interesting word picture there. When Paul wrote “judge not least you be judged”, he didn’t necessarily mean don’t make any decisions, but more precisely, don’t cast upon others your personal opinion of right and wrong.

So, let’s imagine a young woman gets exposed by someone at her church in a fault, and rather than talk to the woman who was found out, they run and tell leadership first.  It happens in a lot of places, so it’s not just unique to your house. When word breaks that a sinner has been uncovered in the congregation, suddenly the room becomes so very divided. i believe rumor spreads fast and sticks to us tighter than good news. Many people become tooth-grittingly religious and want the woman to bleed, even though her fault wasn’t as terrible as the tattle tales made out. Then the leadership may have a meeting with the young woman being in the “hot seat”. At first the finger pointers absolutely insist the woman “come clean”. So she does, she cries and spits out her story there at their feet, being honest and transparent as they demanded. Then, yes THEN, they persecute her, and severely reprimand her, demanding ridiculous plans of repentance, not until she has turned from her way, but until THEY are satisfied she’s bled enough, in their opinion.           At what point will she have bled enough to satisfy their need for someone to bleed?

In the weeks which follow, every time she goes to church, people roll their big, moist eyes at her, staring and whispering to each other. She finds herself feeling like a leper and is subtly, silently compelled to sit in the back row to escape the curious looks and religious stares of others. People look at her like they’re at the circus, walking past the cage of the “dangerous sinner woman”.

Initially, the shadow-casters, the tale bearers have their aiming finger of judgment stuck out, snapping at her like hungry dogs, gnashing their teeth at about everything that moves. i wonder though, why didn’t leadership scold the backbiters for scandalizing the entire event? They basically joined the scandalizers in their shadow casting. Why did they listen so closely, maybe even eagerly, to hear the juicy story?

Let me ask then, if you don’t think leadership handled it well, what would you have done? Run the lady through a wood chipper? “It’s the wood chipper for you, you sinner, you monster of iniquity!” Instantly tie her to a rocket sled to hell? Remember, if you were in leadership, the entire church body is looking at you and how you handle this situation as an example of how they should deal with their own stuff, and they also have stuff you and i don’t know about. What do you want to do? You do realize there is a world of people out there in your congregation who are also doing objectionable practices where no one can see. Oh, but, they didn’t get caught, and neither did you. But now you, in your moral superiority have caught an offender, now you’re going to make her pay? And then pay and pay until you are satisfied she’s bled enough? Do you think she has enough blood to satisfy your need to make her pay? If you can’t make that person pay enough, and leadership isn’t severe enough to satisfy you, do you decide “I just can’t be in the same congregation with a sinner like that!”? True, it’s not good to let it go unaddressed, it’s not good to demand she be stood up and publicly crucified, and it’s not good to cast her out because she’s has problems. i was under the impression that coming to Jesus for healing is what people with a sin problem do, right? What would you do?

On another note, at most Christian conferences, the local hotels all reflect that even though their occupancy rate goes up 98% or more, the X-rated adult movie rentals also soar upwards of 700% over normal rental frequency. Why are we so willing to crucify one person for a fault, when we are also part of the problem with our aiming finger of judgment? Sure, people will forgive small things as long as it doesn’t cost them much. Take note though, i didn’t say don’t deal with it, i’m just saying, although the problem is simple, not complicated, there certainly is more to it than rooting out a sinner. Having grace for our neighbor is excellent, but that same grace doesn’t let anyone off the hook for their behavior. Friends, if we go looking for sin and wrongness, i guarantee we will find it. i’d like us to set our eyes on finding righteousness and the fruits of the spirit in people instead. What do you think?

i know this doesn’t sound much like something Social Porter would say, but you know, sometimes even Social Porter can’t find a way to say “pick up your room, it’s a mess” without saying “pick up your room, it’s a mess.”  And again, think about it.