I won’t accept when things go wrong and to someone else, the blame belongs. That’s the blame game by choosing to be a victim for reasons of an agenda.

When conflict comes our way, for those who play the “blame game”, before things even get difficult, we’re already thinking about blaming someone or something else so we can stay out of trouble. Recently, i lost some files from my computer. At first i was thinking, “stupid computer, yet once again, you’ve lost my files.” Shortly, i had to laugh at myself and said out loud, “No, it wasn’t the computer’s fault, you simply didn’t save your work.” The responsibility for saving my work was on me, not the computer, and i was so ready to curse and be angry with the computer, when really, it was me all along.

I know there are genuine victims – those are the people who had no choice when unavoidable harm came their way. It’s hard to admit because we tend to think surely something could have been done to avoid the injury. The thought of being out of control is unacceptable so we fight the use of the very word – victim.

Sad to say, some people actually like the idea of being a victim, and even when they are or aren’t, somewhere in their thinking they are choosing to live as one. Their victim-mechanism is always running in the background somewhere, just humming along, ready to get geared up and put into play. As preposterous as that sounds …. I mean that really happens, more often than we think! Those who seem to like the idea of being a victim see it as an opportunity to spring into something irresponsible but wouldn’t unless they can believe they are victims. Then, the game is played to get the win. For abusers, often it’s a mechanism to divert attention away from their abusive actions or trying to gain sympathy and support. Manipulators often play the “poor me” roll too, lobbying sympathy from someone to get something from them. They play on those who have a conscious and are compassionate. One time, a felon told me with a self-congratulating grin, “i played that old lady like a fiddle string.” i’ve seen alcoholics who are well schooled at playing the victim ask for constructive criticism, allow themselves to be rescued, and even go through some small regimen of recovery, all the while feeling very enabled as attention getters, keeping well meaning people coming back to help, over and over. At the end of the day whether abuser or manipulator, it’s all about control. Most who play their victim card know very well what has happened, but often, there they sit, like a crumpled piece of paper, asking with downcast eyes, “Would someone please tell me what i did wrong?”

Is it premeditated? Yes. Does it feel like it’s premeditated? No. This game seems to be all about feeling but it’s really about how they think and power. Everything is done by the game player to keep their victims from discovering that fact, and you can believe, if their twisted thinking and power manipulation is uncovered, big dramas result. A true victim, someone who was in an unfortunate situation at no fault of their own, differs from the manipulator playing a victim by not ignoring their ability to improve their situation. The victim role-player makes no quick move to change their situation, using it for all it’s worth to get attention, just loving the high drama of it all.

When does the blame game stop? Let me confirm what you probably already know. It stops when the person playing the game decides to be responsible for themselves and their choices, when they understand how this game hurts others plus themselves and start to care about people.

Jesus was firm about this throughout the New Testament and demonstrated how important it was to take responsibility for our actions. He was not a Blame Game Player. We can see an example of this in John 18 even when false charges were trumped up against him. He never hedged about who he was and what he came to do. He was a victor and though treated badly, he loved.

The blame game needs to be exposed early in life or else it will be a tough habit to break. Let me leave you with a question: What do you feel when this game is played on you and does it help you to know the game is premeditated?

TThis was written by Jerry Price

Thank you for listening, i’m Social Porter for Living In His Name Ministries.